There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
