We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize