Don't make out with my wife yet
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
