Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize