u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
