oh god the rape fog is back!
we made out on top of his cat.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize