Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
