i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
