Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
