Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
FUCK WHALES
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
