it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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