i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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