im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize