you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
