Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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