At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I am naked and annoyed.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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