Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
