She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
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Do I have a choice?
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He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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