Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
