I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
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