No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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