Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
