Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
