I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
