she kept yelling 'call me bella'
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
