My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
