I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
