Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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