I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
