He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
