I wannas sexs uuuuu
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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