So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
