Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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