So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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