Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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