Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
