i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
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