He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
