u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
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