don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
