I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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