I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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