Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
