I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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