he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize