i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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