im drinking this country out of the recession.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
