He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
