and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
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