remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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