I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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