Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
