Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
