i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
