Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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