I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
