his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
