Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
