my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
