I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
