saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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