My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
