also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
