Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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