Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
