i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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