We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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