We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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