Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize