Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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