My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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